Onward to His Bosom

July 29^th

Onward to His Bosom

I had an extremely humbling and in some ways shaming experience today that I would like to share with all of you.  Brie, her father Dennis, and I all went out this morning on our mountain bikes to ride a pretty challenging mountain bike trail a few miles from their house.  The trail is extremely narrow, with quick and frequent turns, countless jutting rocks, and large logs obstructing the trail.  It was extremely fast, extremely shaky at times, and I loved it.  I was continuously far ahead of the other two, and began to lose myself in the ride from very early on.  Though the trail claimed me as its victim a couple of times, tossing me from my handle bars rather roughly, I felt often as one with the Earth.  As the ground rose or dropped, or as it smoothed, or grew rough, I seemed to meld with it, becoming a fluent, synchronized object, bounced along like a boat on the sea.  It was a blast, and I loved every moment.  My mind and body were both pushed to their limits as I overcame fear and let loose on the hills.  However, as I finally let myself let up after the hour long of riding this twisting, turning maze, my mind immediately went to my Lord, and I realized that for the first time in a long time I had spent an hour completely disconnected from my God.  I had become so enveloped by the experience of the moment, so focused on the rocks, logs and holes flying at me, that I forgot the one who created it all. 

Over the past months I have made it one of my main goals to practice the presence of God, and have gotten to a point in my life, where I do walk with my Lord throughout my day.  I have trained the eyes of my heart to gaze heavenward, and prayer is never to far from my tongue.  Yet today, I was presented with a challenge, a dangerous one at that.  One which I made the decision that I was going to conquer as wildly and fearlessly as I could, and I did it all without the Good Shepherd.  What a fool am I?  I walk throughout my days with the maker of the universe, and then when a crazy adventurous activity comes along, my attention is completely stolen away.  I chose to trust in myself, rather than in the defeater of sin and death.  This may not seem like the biggest deal in the world, it was just a bike ride after all, but in reality it is a huge deal.  It was revealed to me today by the Lord, that I still trust more in myself than I do in Him.  This cannot be.  Especially as I embark on this road of discipleship it is not ok.  As I tune my ear to the Lord, so as to hear his call leading me and Brie onward it is not ok.  I am a leader in many facets of my life.  I am the leader of our marriage, and I believe Christ has called me to lead many others.  However, he has never for an instant called me to lead them myself.  I am to be like a head sheep leading others to my shepherd as I follow Him.  When I start wandering away from the shepherd, or even if I stop listening to Him for just a little time, I am not only endangering myself, but also all of those behind me.  That is why this is a huge deal.  During the short bike trip today, it might not have been the end of the world, though I would not wanted to have died in an accident, come before Jesus on his throne, and only then come to the realization that I came to as I ended my ride.  It is never a good thing to stop listening to the voice of the Lord, but scripture makes it abundantly clear how dangerous it is to be a leader.  Christ will make me a shepherd of his sheep just as he did Peter in John 21, but I will only be a shepherd to the degree that I am hanging off of every word and deed of the Good Shepherd who guides my path.  James 5 reminds us that if, any of us are in trouble, we should pray.  If any happy, we should sing songs of praise.  If any sick, we should call on the elders of the church to pray over us so the Lord might heal us in faith.  No matter the circumstances, we are to be with our Lord.  It should be our first instinct, our first thought, the entire focus of our being to be with our God.

I spent time last night reading and pondering Psalm 3, and I came to a rather beautiful revelation.  Though I won’t share the Psalm with you here, I would encourage you to read it yourself.  The entire thing depicts David’s total, and unwavering trust in the Lord.  What I realized as I continued to think on it, and as Brie and I talked about it, was that all that was said or done to David, was said or done to the Lord.  That is how intimately David was connected to God.  Though David wandered from the path on several instances, when people doubted him, when people challenged him, when people questioned him the did those things to God.  David was such a man of God, such an obsessed follower whose actions and words flowed from God, that it was as if God was the one living in him.  I want to be that man.  I want to be the man who is so fully enamored with the word and command of my God, the man who follows him wherever he commands.  I want to be able to ask, as I believe I can in some areas of my life, those who question the wisdom of my decisions, if they really want to be questioning the wisdom of the God of the universe.  I want His mind, His will.  Like Jesus, I wish to be an adoring and joyful slave to the Father’s will.  I mean how many of you would question the wisdom of Jesus’ decisions?  How many of you would dare try and stop Him from completing what he knew as His Father’s will?  Jesus never wavered on a decision, there was never hesitation or second-guessing.  When Peter tried to challenge him about his prediction of his death, Jesus wasted no time in dismissing him as Satan.  Jesus was on the Lord’s path, he was in his will, and he had no doubts about it.  That kind of firmness, that kind of conviction is the desire of my heart, and I do not want it just by reputation, or just in part.  I do not want to be the man that simply fools everyone into thinking he knows what God wants for His life.  I believe communion with God is possible.  I have tasted it, and I wish to feast for eternity.  In order to hear his voice though, I must silence all others, including my own.  In order to trust in him, I must remove all other objects in which I trust, including myself.  The Lord is my rock and my salvation.  In him I will rest, and in Him I will rejoice.  It is to that place of rest, that Holy Mountain of God’s presence that I travel in the weeks and months ahead.  It is not a physical place to which I go, for I know not where the Lord is taking me on this Earth.  Though I know that he is drawing me to His bosom, and it is there I long to be.  No matter where I go, through the valley of death, or the tranquil waters, the Lord is my Shepherd.

Amen