Swimming with Power

The Lord is bringing great conviction upon me in regards to my shame of Him.  I am ashamed of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and that makes me sick to my stomach.  Not only does Jesus say that he will be ashamed of those who are ashamed of him, but I myself am simply sickened by the depth of my cowardice, and the depth of my desire to stay comfortable and to resist ruffling too many feathers.  Now I have been greatly emboldened by the Holy Spirit over the last year, and surely have the ability and have had my moments of boldness in the power of God, but how far will I go, how far am I going.  Jesus says in Acts 1:8 just before his ascension, “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”  My question here for myself is two-fold: where is your power coming from and are you really witnessing to the ends of the Earth.  Clearly I have not been a witness in Jerusalem, Judea, and Samaria.  Thus, what seems to be left for me, and where I certainly feel called is to the ends of the Earth.  However, in that regard I do not even seem to have reached the end her in Missoula, MT.  It’s not that exotic, I grew up less than five hours away from here.  And yet, some how, I know there is an ends of Missoula that I do not know if I am willing to go to.  In fact, it may even be a greater portion than just the ends.  There is a number that gets thrown around in the churches of Missoula that 90% of people here are unchurched.  In what I have gathered from talking to pastors that number has been thrown around for the past 20-30 years, all the time remaining unchanged.  There seems to be a great trap in the church, and in myself about talking about the lost, and somehow being tricked into thinking that by talking about them something is going to change.  Where is my boldness?  Now I have been blessed over my years to have some very powerful and blessed conversations with strangers, co-workers etc. about my Lord, but I have been greatly convicted about how quickly I have an identity crisis when talking with other people about myself.

What I mean by this is that my identity is in reality completely wrapped up in the Holy Trinity.  I spend all of my time with the Lord, he is the love of my life, and the director of my steps, and yet, somehow, he is the lover that I am embarrassed and uncomfortable to own.  There is this sickening weakness I have recognized in myself that likes to search for the most comfortable, most opportune time to expose my real identity in Jesus to people.  The world claims titles such as fireman, teacher.  I have experienced firsthand how without a job you fail to fit into people’s schemas for the world.  Even when I have a job now though, I am not a Christmas light installer.  My identity is still a disciple of Jesus Christ, and why do I hesitate to claim such an identity from the initiation of every contact I have.  Be bold Andrew.  Empower me Holy Spirit.

This morning I was reading from Ezekiel 47, one of the more popular verses from the book, where Ezekiel is taken out into the river that flows from the Temple of God.  As he is led farther and farther down the river it gets deeper and deeper.  He reports that at the beginning it was ankle deep, and then at the next stage knee deep, than waist deep, and then finally it was so deep that it was an uncrossable torrent that made him swim.  Often this passage is used as a way to talk about the presence of God, and how fully immersed we are allowing ourselves to be in it.  I am convinced though, that we can be easily deceived by this kind of measuring tool.  It is very easy to immerse one’s self in prayer, scripture, teaching, discipling, talking about God, and yet lack the intimate and powerful presence of the Holy Spirit in your daily life.  That is why this morning the Lord gave me new eyes to read this passage, and asked of my how far I am willing to go into the river of this world to do his work.  As he asked me the question, I quickly crossed off the ankle deep stage; I am very capable and find great joy in sharing and growing in the Lord with my wife, my solid brothers and sisters in Christ.  These are the ones at ankle deep stage of the river, and I am very adept at maneuvering that section of the world.  The next section I too crossed off.  At the knee deep level I see believers who are in need of encouragement.  I have grown pretty adept at hearing people’s faith stories and entering into them to help build them up.  Next I found myself waist deep and from my experience in rivers I know how hard it can be to stand in a river that is flowing fast at waist level.  At this point I too think I have had some experience and success, though I am surely still often lacking power at this point.  I have talked to pastors, to church-goers, to friends who are in a position of opposition to the full message of freedom in Jesus Christ.  These situations can often get very difficult on my comfort-meter, but the Lord is strengthening me here.  Than there are those people and those places in the raging torrent of the river, that 90% of Missoula.  Here are those where an easy means for talking about Jesus is not available.  The topic is most likely not going to just come up out of the blue.  This is the area of the river that only the most bold will go.  It is the metaphorical ends of the Earth.  It is where whether we like it or not all Christians are called to go, and it is of utmost importance that I, and that the church as a whole wake up and let God teach us how to swim.  The thing about rivers is that as they get deeper, the volume of them must also get exponentially larger.  Thus, there are very few people in the shallower portions of water.  Yet, the majority of Jesus’ followers, particularly in the mainstream church, spend most of their time splashing in puddles. 

Now why do I, why do we not swim?  For the simple reason that we do not know how, we do not feel, equipped, or empowered to do so.  Most never even try swimming because it is so foreign, and for many of us who have tried, nerves and worry often characterize such time.  We have forgotten the precious truth of who lives inside of us.  I talk often of having the Holy Spirit inside of me, I have an increasingly intimate relationship with that Spirit, but I am not allowing his Power to fully invade me, and for that reason I am crippling my ability to swim, and my relationship with the Lord.  I mentioned in my last write-up on here Paul’s verse in Colossians where he says that we are raised to life by our faith in the POWER of God.  We have got to bolster our faith in that power.  I have got to bolster my faith in that power.  That is not a distant power.  It is not the power that once created the world, that once raised Jesus from the dead, that once worked miracles through a rag-tag bunch of apostles.  It is the power that lives in me now, that wants to teach me to swim, and to swim not like a small child with a life preserver, but Michael Phelps/synchronized swimmer swimming.  God wants me to be dazzlingly different in his Holy Spirit.  I think about the words of Jesus in regards to the Spirit and I get odd butterflies in my stomach.  He promises that it will be better for us to have the Spirit than to have Jesus in flesh.  This makes since, but do I live like I have the Living God within me.  Surely that should make me look a little different than average Joe in Missoula.  But yet part of the problem is that I don’t know how much I want to look different.  I delude myself into thinking that I am being loving by intentionally making sure no one else is made uncomfortable by my faith.  Phooey!  I am a coward, this is not love.  If I had love for Missoula, if I was driven by the Holy Spirit’s love for Missoula, if I would allow that to happen, (God let it happen even now) there would be no stopping my ministry.  That is not to say that I would necessarily see great success for myself, or even in some great kind of soul-count, but at least God would have what he wants from me.  Paul spent much of his ministry in jail for goodness sake.  Paul tells Timothy from jail that we have not been given a Spirit of timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.  I must believe in that power, I must look at God’s power and allow myself to be overwhelmed with a love for them that stretches beyond my love for my own comfort, reputation, even life.  Then, I must discipline myself, overcome my knocking knees, remind myself of God’s power, command my soul to trust in the Lord as David does so often, and start swimming. 

I ache to be a practiced swimmer.  My heart cries out to be used by God, but I like Timothy am too often timid.  Focus on the power of God I tell my soul.  This morning I let myself be embarrassed as I think about the Christians in the early church.  They had less education than me (for the most part), less means than me, and did infinitely more than I have yet done.  Why, because they walked in the Spirit.  I cannot believe reading through the book of Acts how many times these believers were worshipped by people.  Of course they never allowed such worship to progress, and insistently reminded people that they were just men, that Jesus was the one to be worshipped, but here’s my question for myself and others: why are we not being mistaken for people to be worshipped?  Has God simply changed and so he is unwilling to give us such power as he gave to the disciples?  Surely not!  The disciples amazed people because they taught with boldness and were unschooled, ordinary men.  They worked miracles of power, because they were not limiting their ministry to what their natural gifts could do.  This actually might be the greatest weakness of the church as a whole.  We limit ministry to our natural talents when God wants to give us supernatural ones.  If someone is a good singer than they serve in the choir, if someone else bakes, than they bring the treats Sunday morning, if someone else can teach, than they go to seminary and become a pastor, if someone else is good with numbers they do the church books.  The reality is that no one is naturally good at doing the things the early church did.  You can not be naturally good at raising someone from the dead, healing the lame, or the blind, or the deaf.  You cannot speak with such boldness about Jesus Christ even in the face of death because of natural ability.  You cannot ask God to forgive people as they stone you to death out of natural ability.  These are all supernatural gifts and manifestations of the Holy Spirit.  I was healed this last Sunday by a man by the name of Terry Virgo.  He is a pastor and teacher and disciple from England who lives very much in the power of the Spirit.  He is not very impressive himself, but there is a power behind him that is evident.  I do not think him particularly gifted in nature, or any kind of super-Christian.  He is simply like the apostles an ordinary man who is letting God do extraordinary things through him.  Terry prayed over my leg, and many others and I felt, while others watched my leg grow almost two inches.  Apparently I have spent my whole life with a shorter right leg than left one, but that is no longer the case.  I am convinced that healing and teaching are not the greatest manifestations of the Holy Spirit though.  I think boldness is simply the greatest gift, and the greatest weapon of the Holy Spirit, and it is one that many who even heal lack.  It is one thing to pray for healing for someone in a Charismatic church, it is another thing to share Christ with boldness to audiences that would like nothing more than to kill you.  Now I am also not encouraging myself or others to intentionally make enemies of the cross of Christ.  Surely though, with love in our hearts, we cannot sit idle.

In 2 Timothy 1 Paul invites Timothy to suffer for the Gospel with him by the Power of God.  That hit me very hard this morning.  The religious Christianity that has invaded our churches abhors the idea of conflict, but even more than that it abhors suffering.  The American Christian Church for the most part consists of the comfortable, religious elite, and I fear greatly for myself and all who have been led to believe such institutionalized use of empty words can be called Christianity.  When Paul describes the endtimes further on in chapter 3 of 2 Timothy he describes a people, “having a form of godliness but denying its power.”  Christianity has crippled itself with doctrine, and I too often fall victim to such lures of the devil.  I surely do not want to be mistaken as bashing doctrine.  If we have no ability to think about God, to talk about God, than we have nothing.  However, if our doctrine comes without divine power, we better get busy removing this idol from our life.  Any teaching, any religion without power is the religion of the false gods.  The Prophets of Baal on Mount Carmel knew all the proper steps to take to get their God to move, they surely spoke what they believed to be the right words, they cut themselves the correct places and in the correct ways, but none of it was accompanied with power. Elijah on the other hand also had his steps and measures, but his prayer brought with it power from the Living God.  This Living God was the difference maker, but the state of Elijah’s heart cannot be missed either.  Elijah did not live a life in the lap of luxury.  Being a follower of the Living God in a dead world brings suffering.  Paul also tells Timothy in 3:12, “Everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted.” 

Somehow Satan has convinced the church of our own entitlement to comforts, yet swindled us out of any notion of entitlement to power.  Through false humility he has convinced the church that their thoughts of power or strength through the Holy Spirit, that their aspirations for sanctification, perfection, to live a life worthy of Jesus Christ are all by-products of their pride.  I have already mentioned this, but the tragedy of it is overwhelming me as of late.  The greatest tragedy is not simply our lack of empowerment, but what that lack of empowerment betrays when combined with our sense of entitlement to comforts.  Somehow, I, as a Christian believe that I have the right to live an ordinary life just like everyone else.  That it is my privilege to enjoy nice quiet evenings with my wife, to have a roof over my head, to minister to people who are open and easy to talk to, to walk around always with a full belly.  I have grown to expect such things as my rights, and at the same time I have failed to expect God’s power.  One of my favorite passages of scripture of late comes in Philippians 1:20, when Paul says, “I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that nw as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or death.”  Paul has neglected his Earthly privileges.  Paul was a Roman citizen, much the equivalent of American citizenship today, and though he called on the rights of that citizenship during his final imprisonment, he in no way saw himself or lived a life as a Roman citizen.  Paul was and is a citizen of the Kingdom of Heaven.  He had both feet planted firmly on this Earth, and those feet put many miles across this Earth spreading the Good News of the Gospel, but even with both feet planted on Earthly soil, they were not planted in Earthly kingdom, but rather in the Kingdom of God invading Earth.  His only expectation was to live a life of exaltation to Christ, whether by life or death.  It mattered not to him, though he acknowledges that death would be better for him.  The essence of Christianity is changing allegiance, of transferring our citizenship.  With that change we give up all rights of the Earthly realm, and inherit instead the gifts of Children of God.  And yet the church as a broad generality in America feels entitled to Earthly rights, but lacks the full benefits of the gifts of God.  I am convinced that the root of this cannot simply be blamed on Satan, on culture, on the church.  They all play a part, but the root of the issue is lack of faith in our mighty God.  Hear what Paul says after instructing Timothy to suffer through the Power of God, “And of this gospel I was appointed a herald and an apostle and a teacher.  That is why I am suffering as I am.  Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day.”  I fear that Jesus has become so much a cultural icon within the institution of the church that we have forgotten whom we have believed.  Just a verse before what I last quoted Paul expains how Jesus, “destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel.”  Our God is the destroyer of death, he is a mighty God before whom all forces of evil tremble, and yet the feet of those who claim this God, the feet of those that are to bring good news to the Earth largely spend more time on the floor connected to legs, connected to a butt on a couch before a TV than they do invading the kingdom of this Earth with the Kingdom of God.  This my friends is a tragedy of tragedies!  Are we convinced that Christ is able to guard what we have entrusted to him to the extent that we will give up our Earthly rights to comfort and embrace a life that exalts God even if it brings suffering?  Do we know the gift of God, the Spirit of power, love and self-discipline that dwells inside of us?  Are we ready to endure hardship like good soldiers of Christ Jesus (2 timothy 2:3)?  Hear the trustworthy saying of Paul in 2 Tim. 2:11-13, “If we died with him, we will also live with him; if we endure, we will also reign with him.  If we disown him, he will also disown us; if we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself.”  We must use these words as a litmus test as we look at our lives and the life of the church.  God is faithful, do not forget that, his promises are true, and he has promised to us a position of reigning as co-heirs with Christ.  That is Good News!  However, if our lives disown this kind of promise, if they betray our trust in the Earthly over Christ, or we have not fully accepted our citizenship in the Kingdom of God than we must let conviction come.  It is the Holy Spirit that brings conviction, but He never leaves us simply convicted and ashamed.  We are washed as pure as snow, and given the gift of the Power of God that we might come to expect that we will have sufficient courage that in all things Christ will be exalted in our bodies, and in our church, as he was in Paul’s.