Precious Faith

Faith.  I have come to believe there are different levels of faith.  While having a great conversation with Langford at Andrew’s parent’s house, Andrew talked about faith building and growing to new heights until eventually we will need no faith for we will be in heaven and have sight. 

This revelation came about as I was pondering (out loud!) my present predicament about believing God’s love for me.  I was talking about how I know Jesus loves me as an intellectual idea, but do I really believe, do I really know Jesus loves me?  I came to the conclusion after Langford asking if I believed I was forgiven.  That is beyond faith for me.  I know I’m forgiven, I would say that I even know that I am loved.  I did not have absolute faith to the degree of knowing that I was precious in His sight—which I see that is beyond love.  Love can sometimes be a duty; something that just is because that is a part of God’s nature.  He loves people.  He loves everyone, which is great, but made me feel lost in a crowd.  I did not fully believe that I was special, precious in His sight.  I had to rely on faith that it was so, and honestly my faith wavered day in and day out.  Maybe I’m precious, maybe I’m not.  And I’d compare against how He was working in other people’s lives and then how He was working in mine to see if I was as precious as others (which is NOT a good thing to do because he interacts with us all differently!).  So I was seeing things happen with others that He was not doing for me and then I would believe Satan’s lies that it was because I wasn’t really that important or precious to my Lover rather than choosing to believe on faith that I am a royal, precious daughter of the King with His Spirit inside of me.  It was a vicious cycle where I’d conclude that I’d go off of faith that I was precious because I really didn’t know for sure.  Then something would happen for someone else and instead of getting excited and praising the Lord, I would look at myself and say I’m worthless because nothing has happened to me.  Why would it?  I’m not precious.  And over and over again I’d decide to live off of faith then almost poo poo the Lord for not doing anything to show me.  OPEN UP YOUR EYES!  Oh, Lord!  You surely did open them up.

It seems like it is such a basic level of faith.  Yet, if I do not know that I am precious, I can not know that He will want to come meet with me or give me His good gifts.  I am loved, I am forgiven but the giftings and power and awe of His presence are for others whom He favors more. 

Praise the Lord, He has been kissing me these past weeks/month to help me believe that I am precious to Him!  He gave me many words from a woman whom I didn’t even know about our time in Missoula not being random (along with many other encouragements which I know were from the mouth of the Lord!).  He gave me a baby shower from several women of whom I didn’t even know half of their names.  Then he gave me a vision through a beloved friend again declaring how precious I am in His sight.  These kisses have hit their mark and are sinking into my soul that I am precious!  Praise the Lord, I AM PRECIOUS!  I’m more than loved, more than forgiven, I am precious and the Lord of lords and King of kings wants to meet with me intimately.  He wants to come and shower me with Himself, His gifts and fill me with his power to bring heaven to earth, peace to the restless and love to the hopeless.  I now know that; these blessings are not just for Andrew or other friends around me.  He wants to give them to me.  But first, He wanted me to know that I know that I know that I am precious in His sight; I am His beloved and He is mine.  It’s all about relationship.  He wanted me to know this before we moved on together in all He has for me because it is the foundation of who I am, of who I will become.  That was and is more crucial than any gift I could receive from the Spirit.  We were not moving on until I knew, until I fully believed with my every being.  I no longer have to believe that by faith; I know I am precious. 

However, faith does not stop their, but continues to build.  I know I am loved.  I know I am forgiven.  I know I am precious and He wants to meet with me.  I have faith that I am gifted in the Spirit.   I don’t see it, I haven’t experienced it.  I have to take this on faith…for now!  The thing is, I can’t get ahead of myself in my steps of faith—I was feeling guilty (bad sign) of not healing people when I didn’t even know if I was precious, didn’t even know if God would want to come when I called!  I know God heals, I know he still works miracles through His people…I just didn’t have the faith He would work through me because I didn’t even know if I was precious to Him.  Andrew may be further along in the steps of faith, but it’s not about comparison.  Comparison is a curse to our faith.  We need to be encouraged by each other, especially when they may be further along, but not to feel guilty, behind or worth any less because of being in a different place.  The question is, what will I do with that encouragement?  What will I do with where I am at?  Am I content, or will I seek for more?!  I need to establish myself in the Lord right where I am at and not jumping ahead to thinking I need to be raising people from the dead when I don’t have the faith to believe I am worth anything in the eyes of God!  He will bring me there in due time. 

That’s what’s so precious about the secret place.  God comes to us, builds us up, pours into us.  A time in the wilderness really establishes one’s relationship with the Lord apart from doing, doing, doing.  It builds our faith—or eliminates our faith—by growing in the knowledge and firm belief of who we are, whose we are and what we are able to do through our Lover, Father, Spirit.  Then when we are released from the wilderness, we are on firm foundation ready to do the will of the Father without questioning every step the ifs, hows, buts because we know our Father and we know we are known by Him, loved by Him and utterly precious.  We have seen Him work and move and are able to rely on him with an unwavering faith in His ability…and His desire…to work through us.

Oh, am I growing in faith…growing in knowing my Lord intimately.  He is pursuing me.  Watch out; He is pursuing you too.  And what a joy it is!  What is your next step in the realm of faith?  May we all continue to go further up and further in.  As we do, we shall be united with our destiny.